In Fifty Years We Ll All Be Chicks

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In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks

Adam Carolla
In Fifty Years We ll All Be Chicks Book PDF

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : Crown
Page : 274 pages
File Size : 44,8 Mb
Release : 2011-05-17
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9780307717382

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In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks by Adam Carolla Pdf

A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son." The bartender replied, "New policy. Everyone has to show their ID." Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II. It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back. In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.

Not Taco Bell Material

Adam Carolla
Not Taco Bell Material Book PDF

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : Crown
Page : 338 pages
File Size : 47,7 Mb
Release : 2013-04-16
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9780307888884

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Not Taco Bell Material by Adam Carolla Pdf

Now in paperback, Adam Carolla takes us back--before Loveline and The Man Show, before the Guinness World Record-breaking podcast and the New York Times bestseller In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks--to reveal all the stories behind how he came to be the angry middle-aged man he is today. Funnyman Adam Carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories, debuting some never-before-heard tales as well. Organized by the myriad "dumps" Carolla called home as a child to the flophouse apartments he rented in his twenties, up to the homes he personally renovated after achieving success in Hollywood, the anecdotes here follow Adam's journey and the hilarious pitfalls along the way. Adam Carolla started broke and blue collar and has now been on the Hollywood scene for more than fifteen years. Yet he's still connected to the working-class guy he once was and delivers a raw and edgy, fish-out-of-water take on the world he lives in (but mostly disagrees with), telling all the stories, no matter who he offends--family, friends, or the famous.

President Me

Adam Carolla
President Me Book PDF

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : Harper Collins
Page : 288 pages
File Size : 50,9 Mb
Release : 2014-05-13
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9780062320421

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President Me by Adam Carolla Pdf

My fellow Americans, President John F. Kennedy once famously said, "Hey, is that blond intern eighteen yet?" He also said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." We've changed a lot since JFK asked us all to pitch in. We've become a nation of narcissistic, yoga-mat-toting, service-dog-having, absentee dads and gluten-free, hand-wringing, hypochondriac moms of overcaffeinated (yet somehow still lazy) twerking tweens. And our government is an inept bureaucracy incapable of doing anything except getting in our wallets and in our way. We've got to get it together, America. That is why I, Adam Carolla, hereby declare myself Candidate Carolla. The tome you hold in your hands is a statement of my intent to whip our country back into fighting shape, to eliminate the "what are you going to do for me?" mentality that has invaded our country. President Me is my manifesto, my vision for a better place . . . free of Big Government, barefoot fliers, lazy hipsters who'd rather "Occupy" than work, and the other things that are bringing our country down. With my cabinet appointees, my list of worthy and necessary presidential ManDates, and tons of great ideas for fixing our health care, education, energy, and even national parks systems . . . behold an America we can be proud of. The America I see in my head. You're welcome in advance. Your future leader, Adam

Daddy, Stop Talking!

Adam Carolla
Daddy Stop Talking Book PDF

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : HarperCollins
Page : 229 pages
File Size : 44,9 Mb
Release : 2015-05-26
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9780062394279

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Daddy, Stop Talking! by Adam Carolla Pdf

Last Will & Testament of Adam Carolla I, Adam Carolla, being of beaten-down mind, declare this to be my Last Will and Testament. I revoke all wills and addendums previously made by me. (You guys never did listen, anyway.) Article I I appoint the rest of the world's unappreciated dads as Personal Representatives to administer this Will. I bequeath to them the right to crack a couple cold ones in the garage after working their asses off all week and ask that they be permitted to watch all the porn they like and not have to change diapers and get dragged to every preschool "graduation" and PTA meeting. Article II To my wife, I leave a safe-deposit box, the sole content of which is a note reading "Get a job. I'm dead," and my best wishes on trying to keep up with the unending demands of our houses, cars, dog, and kids. Article III I devise, bequeath, and give my kids this book, Daddy, Stop Talking. Since you guys were the death of me, I leave you these pages of wisdom. But no cash, cars, or property. You've got to earn those. On that note, I further demand that the following message be placed on the marker of my grave: "You're All on Your Own Now. Enjoy."

I'm Back for More Cash

Tony Kornheiser
I m Back for More Cash Book PDF

Author : Tony Kornheiser
Publisher : Villard
Page : 402 pages
File Size : 43,9 Mb
Release : 2003-05-20
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9780812968538

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I'm Back for More Cash by Tony Kornheiser Pdf

Tony Kornheiser is back. Within these pages, the celebrated Washington Post columnist, Pardon the Interruption cohost, and ESPN radio personality relates his experience as an OnStar user, the proud new owner of the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie & BBQ, and a “phone-a-friend” on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. And in between, he dishes political commentary on Monica and Bill and George W. and Al. New for the paperback edition is Tony’s final Washington Post Style column. So read all about his quest to fit into size 36 Dockers and his struggle to buy holiday gifts. And know that in the process you’re handing this Kornheiser guy way too much dough for these columns.

Rich Man Poor Man

Adam Carolla
Rich Man Poor Man Book PDF

Author : Adam Carolla
Publisher : Crown/Archetype
Page : 73 pages
File Size : 54,8 Mb
Release : 2012-01-17
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9780307987365

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Rich Man Poor Man by Adam Carolla Pdf

If you turn on the evening news or listen to NPR you’ll be bombarded with a non-stop parade of commentators pontificating on the ever expanding gap between the rich and the poor. But is the chasm really that wide? In Rich Man Poor Man, comedian and bestselling author Adam Carolla exposes the phenomena that are embraced by the really rich and the really poor--but never the middle class--like having an outdoor shower, wearing your pajamas all day, or always having your dog with you. Combining Adam's inimitable comedic voice and four-color illustrations by his friend Michael Narren, Rich Man Poor Man is a hilariously accurate look at what the people born with silver spoons in their mouths have in common with the people whose only utensils are plastic sporks stolen from a Shakey's.

Jay's Journal

Anonymous
Jay s Journal Book PDF

Author : Anonymous
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Page : 233 pages
File Size : 48,7 Mb
Release : 2012-09-25
Category : Juvenile Fiction
ISBN : 9781442480940

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Jay's Journal by Anonymous Pdf

Originally published: New York: Times Books, 1979.

Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me

Friends Chelsea's Family, and Other Victims
Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me Book PDF

Author : Friends Chelsea's Family, and Other Victims
Publisher : Borderline Amazing/A Chelsea Handler Book
Page : 304 pages
File Size : 41,7 Mb
Release : 2011-05-10
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9781455504657

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Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me by Friends Chelsea's Family, and Other Victims Pdf

"My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate."--Chelsea Handler, from Chapter 10 of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang It's no lie: Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out "dumbassness," the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Friends, family, co-workers--they've all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about them.

My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper

Gabrielle Reece
My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper Book PDF

Author : Gabrielle Reece
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Page : 224 pages
File Size : 41,9 Mb
Release : 2013-04-16
Category : Self-Help
ISBN : 9781451692709

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My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper by Gabrielle Reece Pdf

So you got the guy on the big white horse, and the beautiful little mermaids, and the picket fence, and your life isn’ t . . . perfect in every imaginable way? You’re not alone. In 1997, Gabrielle Reece married the man of her dreams—professional surfer Laird Hamilton—in a flawless Hawaiian ceremony. Naturally, the couple filed for divorce four years later. In the end they worked it out, but not without the ups and downs, minor hiccups, and major setbacks that beset every modern family. With hilarious stories, wise insights, and concrete takeaways on topics ranging from navigating relationship issues to aging gracefully to getting smart about food, My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper is the brutally honest, wickedly funny, and deeply helpful portrait of the humor, grace, and humility it takes to survive the happily ever after.

Habitat Man

D. Baden
Habitat Man Book PDF

Author : D. Baden
Publisher : Unknown
Page : 370 pages
File Size : 50,5 Mb
Release : 2021-09-14
Category : Fiction
ISBN : 1739980301

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Habitat Man by D. Baden Pdf

Worms have more purpose than Tim, and a better love life. They break waste down into rich fertile soil; Tim just makes the rich richer. Worms copulate for three hours at a time whereas the closest thing Tim has to love is his lesbian friend Jo. Salvation comes from Jo's flaky niece Charlotte who asks him three profound questions. Inspired, he sheds his old life to become Habitat Man, giving advice on how to turn gardens into habitats for wildlife. His first client is the lovely Lori. Tim is smitten, but first he has to win round Ethan her teenage son. Tim loves his new life until he digs up more than he bargained for, something that threatens to bring out all the skeletons in his cupboard.

The Sense of an Ending

Julian Barnes
The Sense of an Ending Book PDF

Author : Julian Barnes
Publisher : Vintage
Page : 158 pages
File Size : 44,5 Mb
Release : 2011-10-05
Category : Fiction
ISBN : 9780307957337

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The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes Pdf

BOOKER PRIZE WINNER • NATIONAL BESTSELLER • A novel that follows a middle-aged man as he contends with a past he never much thought about—until his closest childhood friends return with a vengeance: one of them from the grave, another maddeningly present. A novel so compelling that it begs to be read in a single setting, The Sense of an Ending has the psychological and emotional depth and sophistication of Henry James at his best, and is a stunning achievement in Julian Barnes's oeuvre. Tony Webster thought he left his past behind as he built a life for himself, and his career has provided him with a secure retirement and an amicable relationship with his ex-wife and daughter, who now has a family of her own. But when he is presented with a mysterious legacy, he is forced to revise his estimation of his own nature and place in the world.

Reincarnation Blues

Michael Poore
Reincarnation Blues Book PDF

Author : Michael Poore
Publisher : Del Rey
Page : 372 pages
File Size : 55,8 Mb
Release : 2017-08-22
Category : Fiction
ISBN : 9780399178498

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Reincarnation Blues by Michael Poore Pdf

A wildly imaginative novel about a man who is reincarnated over ten thousand lifetimes to be with his one true love: Death herself. “Tales of gods and men akin to Neil Gaiman’s Sandman as penned by a kindred spirit of Douglas Adams.”—Kirkus Reviews (starred review) First we live. Then we die. And then . . . we get another try? Ten thousand tries, to be exact. Ten thousand lives to “get it right.” Answer all the Big Questions. Achieve Wisdom. And Become One with Everything. Milo has had 9,995 chances so far and has just five more lives to earn a place in the cosmic soul. If he doesn’t make the cut, oblivion awaits. But all Milo really wants is to fall forever into the arms of Death. Or Suzie, as he calls her. More than just Milo’s lover throughout his countless layovers in the Afterlife, Suzie is literally his reason for living—as he dives into one new existence after another, praying for the day he’ll never have to leave her side again. But Reincarnation Blues is more than a great love story: Every journey from cradle to grave offers Milo more pieces of the great cosmic puzzle—if only he can piece them together in time to finally understand what it means to be part of something bigger than infinity. As darkly enchanting as the works of Neil Gaiman and as wisely hilarious as Kurt Vonnegut’s, Michael Poore’s Reincarnation Blues is the story of everything that makes life profound, beautiful, absurd, and heartbreaking. Because it’s more than Milo and Suzie’s story. It’s your story, too. Praise for Reincarnation Blues “The most fun you’ll have reading about a man who has been killed by both catapult and car accident.”—NPR “This book made me laugh out loud. And then a page later, it made me sob. Reminiscent of Tom Robbins and Christopher Moore, Poore finds humor in the dark absurdities of life.”—Chicago Review of Books “Charming . . . surprisingly light and uplifting . . . It reads like a writer having fun.”—New York Journal of Books

Staging Your Comeback

Christopher Hopkins
Staging Your Comeback Book PDF

Author : Christopher Hopkins
Publisher : Health Communications, Inc.
Page : 346 pages
File Size : 45,5 Mb
Release : 2008-03-03
Category : Health & Fitness
ISBN : 9780757306341

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Staging Your Comeback by Christopher Hopkins Pdf

The "Makeover Guy" helps women recognize and fix problems that they confront as they age, in a practical guide that offers simple tips and tricks for women to target their problem areas, create their own self-expression, and turn around all-too-common mistakes. Original. 25,000 first printing.

That Time of Year

Garrison Keillor
That Time of Year Book PDF

Author : Garrison Keillor
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Page : 398 pages
File Size : 50,9 Mb
Release : 2020-12-01
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN : 9781951627706

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That Time of Year by Garrison Keillor Pdf

With the warmth and humor we've come to know, the creator and host of A Prairie Home Companion shares his own remarkable story. In That Time of Year, Garrison Keillor looks back on his life and recounts how a Brethren boy with writerly ambitions grew up in a small town on the Mississippi in the 1950s and, seeing three good friends die young, turned to comedy and radio. Through a series of unreasonable lucky breaks, he founded A Prairie Home Companion and put himself in line for a good life, including mistakes, regrets, and a few medical adventures. PHC lasted forty-two years, 1,557 shows, and enjoyed the freedom to do as it pleased for three or four million listeners every Saturday at 5 p.m. Central. He got to sing with Emmylou Harris and Renée Fleming and once sang two songs to the U.S. Supreme Court. He played a private eye and a cowboy, gave the news from his hometown, Lake Wobegon, and met Somali cabdrivers who’d learned English from listening to the show. He wrote bestselling novels, won a Grammy and a National Humanities Medal, and made a movie with Robert Altman with an alarming amount of improvisation. He says, “I was unemployable and managed to invent work for myself that I loved all my life, and on top of that I married well. That’s the secret, work and love. And I chose the right ancestors, impoverished Scots and Yorkshire farmers, good workers. I’m heading for eighty, and I still get up to write before dawn every day.”

The Dr. Drew and Adam Book

Drew Pinsky,Adam Carolla,Marshall Fine
The Dr Drew and Adam Book Book PDF

Author : Drew Pinsky,Adam Carolla,Marshall Fine
Publisher : Dell
Page : 270 pages
File Size : 47,5 Mb
Release : 1998
Category : Family & Relationships
ISBN : 0440508363

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The Dr. Drew and Adam Book by Drew Pinsky,Adam Carolla,Marshall Fine Pdf

The hosts of the radio and television program "Loveline" answer questions about dating, sex, STDs, birth control, and love.