5 000 Great One Liners

Author : Grant Tucker
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
Page : 355 pages
File Size : 52,6 Mb
Release : 2012-09-25
Category : Reference
ISBN : 9781849544825

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5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker Pdf

My mate told me that I just don't understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. An onion just told me a joke. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller. I'll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, 'Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?' Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen's clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the Twitter age heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner. In this riveting read, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you'll ever need - and a whole lot more.

Author : Anonim
Publisher : Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.
Page : 313 pages
File Size : 42,7 Mb
Release : 2013-11-06
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9781616088545

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5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners by Anonim Pdf

A treasury of the world's top-selected one-liners and jokes, published for today's generation of social media comics, includes such puns, zingers and witty remarks as "A dyslexic man walks into a bra." By the creator of The Margaret Thatcher Book of Quotations. Original. 10,000 first printing.

Author : Anonim
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Page : 312 pages
File Size : 43,5 Mb
Release : 2013-11-01
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9781628734201

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5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners by Anonim Pdf

“I’ll never forget the words my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. He said ‘Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.’” “The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for. “My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” “A dyslexic man walks into a bra.” “Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!” “Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.” “Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.” “Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”

Author : Anonim
Publisher : Skyhorse
Page : 288 pages
File Size : 48,5 Mb
Release : 2021-10-19
Category : Humor
ISBN : 1510766995

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5,000 Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes and One-Liners by Anonim Pdf

Thousands of jokes and zingers to expand your repertoire and become a master of comedy! Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for. “My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” “A dyslexic man walks into a bra.” “The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” “Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!” “Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.” “Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.” “Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”

Author : Grant Tucker
Publisher : Biteback Publishing
Page : 298 pages
File Size : 47,9 Mb
Release : 2013-11-07
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9781849546720

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More One Liners, Jokes and Gags by Grant Tucker Pdf

After making us laugh out loud with 5,000 Great One-Liners, Grant Tucker goes one better with this uproarious sequel! More One-Liners is another hilarious volume of the finest quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks known to humanity. From twists on the classics to modern greats, from A-grade antics to X-rated gags, from jokes you could tell your mother to jokes about yo momma, there's something short, sweet and wickedly clever for everyone in this definitive volume.

Author : Geoff Tibballs
Publisher : Robinson
Page : 607 pages
File Size : 43,6 Mb
Release : 2012-06-07
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9781780335360

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The Mammoth Book of One-Liners by Geoff Tibballs Pdf

A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'

Author : Stephen Arnott,Mike Haskins
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Page : 448 pages
File Size : 52,7 Mb
Release : 2022-05-10
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9781646043712

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Man Walks into a Bar by Stephen Arnott,Mike Haskins Pdf

Be the life of the party with this ridiculous and definitely-not-for-kids joke book. Includes knock-knock-jokes, one-liners, puns, and more hilarious jokes. Do you want to be the person who keeps friends, family, and coworkers laughing with a new joke every day? Packed full of thousands of jokes and alphabetically organized into hundreds of topics from accountants to zebras, this book offers you a massive collection of over-the-top jokes that will have everyone laughing out loud. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He finally decided to stick it out for one more year! A dog with three legs walks into a Wild West bar and says, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.” The police have reported the theft of a shipment of filing cabinets, document folders and labeling machines—it’s believed to have been the work of organized crime

Author : Ray Prince
Publisher : Unknown
Page : 330 pages
File Size : 49,5 Mb
Release : 2018-08-17
Category : Electronic
ISBN : 1718155395

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5,000 One Liners by Ray Prince Pdf

Following the outstanding success of his first volume titled 4,000 One Liners, the author has delved into his archive and cobbled together a second volume of equally fascinating reflections of life. The new book 5,000 One Liners is a trove of humorous and thoughtful quotes which are sure to brighten the reader's day and bring a smile. It is word-smithing at its best; wit, humour, ideas, philosophy and memorable quotes are skillfully drawn together to surprise and prompt thought. Turn to any page and revel in the word play.This book is an all-rounder, suiting every occasion from an accompaniment to a quiet coffee or glass of wine to being a valuable handbook for speakers - both budding and accomplished. The generic appeal also guarantees its acceptance as a welcome gift. The topics include Business, Money, Time, Education, The Professions, Health and Doctors, Sex and Marriage, Family, Food and Drink, Holidays, Religion and Politics, among others. The author has won the coveted Australian Toastmaster's speaking competition. He also competed in the world finals in the USA. In his career as a management consultant he has been keenly sought after as a conference and dinner speaker. Reviews of first volume, 4,000 One Liners "We recommend that you have 4,000 bits of enjoyment!! And in daily increments, if that is your way! Humour is excellent medicine." Medical practitioner."Read this book and you'll realise (if you don't know already) that life is absurdly amusing and the law is about life. Most entries contain a germ of wisdom, but all of them are funny and clever." Barrister at Law."As a long haul frequent flyer, I often take 4,000 One Liners with me to keep my mojo and sense of humor on the long trips. I enjoyed the book so much I purchased 50 copies for friends and business associates!" Chairman and CEO of a Public Company.

Author : California. Department of Industrial Relations. Division of Labor Statistics and Law Enforcement
Publisher : Unknown
Page : 852 pages
File Size : 50,8 Mb
Release : 1890
Category : California
ISBN : STANFORD:36105011912222

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Biennial Report by California. Department of Industrial Relations. Division of Labor Statistics and Law Enforcement Pdf

Author : Robin Sharma
Publisher : HarperCollins
Page : 356 pages
File Size : 45,7 Mb
Release : 2018-12-04
Category : Self-Help
ISBN : 9781443456630

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The 5AM Club by Robin Sharma Pdf

Legendary leadership and elite performance expert Robin Sharma introduced The 5am Club concept over twenty years ago, based on a revolutionary morning routine that has helped his clients maximize their productivity, activate their best health and bulletproof their serenity in this age of overwhelming complexity. Now, in this life-changing book, handcrafted by the author over a rigorous four-year period, you will discover the early-rising habit that has helped so many accomplish epic results while upgrading their happiness, helpfulness and feelings of aliveness. Through an enchanting—and often amusing—story about two struggling strangers who meet an eccentric tycoon who becomes their secret mentor, The 5am Club will walk you through: How great geniuses, business titans and the world’s wisest people start their mornings to produce astonishing achievements A little-known formula you can use instantly to wake up early feeling inspired, focused and flooded with a fiery drive to get the most out of each day A step-by-step method to protect the quietest hours of daybreak so you have time for exercise, self-renewal and personal growth A neuroscience-based practice proven to help make it easy to rise while most people are sleeping, giving you precious time for yourself to think, express your creativity and begin the day peacefully instead of being rushed “Insider-only” tactics to defend your gifts, talents and dreams against digital distraction and trivial diversions so you enjoy fortune, influence and a magnificent impact on the world Part manifesto for mastery, part playbook for genius-grade productivity and part companion for a life lived beautifully, The 5am Club is a work that will transform your life. Forever.

Author : Pat Williams
Publisher : HCI
Page : 0 pages
File Size : 54,7 Mb
Release : 2002-08-15
Category : Humor
ISBN : 075730057X

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Winning with One-Liners by Pat Williams Pdf

Laughter is power. Nothing livens up a presentation like well-placed jokes, which can take an audience from bored disinterest to rapt attention in seconds. In this ultimate collection of one-liners, author Pat Williams, one of the country's top motivational and inspirational speakers and senior vice president of the Orlando Magic, shares the jokes he has been using to win over audiences for over forty years. Arranged into more than 200 categories—from airlines and politics to world conditions and zoos—these 3,400 battle-tested funnies, delivered before a rich variety of audiences, will keep readers roaring. While many other joke books offer material that is either not very funny or off-color, Winning with One-Liners provides clean, wholesome entertainment for all audiences. Sometimes we all need a good laugh, and Pat Williams shows how to do it right in this indispensable book for all speakers.

Author : California. Legislature
Publisher : Unknown
Page : 576 pages
File Size : 55,9 Mb
Release : 1893
Category : California
ISBN : STANFORD:36105001112403

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Journal by California. Legislature Pdf

Author : Rodney Dangerfield
Publisher : Zondervan
Page : 288 pages
File Size : 52,8 Mb
Release : 2009-08-11
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9780061957642

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It's Not Easy Bein' Me by Rodney Dangerfield Pdf

An American comic icon tells the story of his second–act rise from obscurity to multimedia stardom. "When I was a kid," writes Rodney Dangerfield, "I worked tough places in show business––places like Fonzo's Knuckle Room. Or Aldo's, formerly Vito's, formerly Nunzio's. That was a tough joint. I looked at the menu. They had broken leg of lamb." For once, one of America's most beloved comic icons isn't kidding. Dangerfield has seen every aspect of the entertainment industry: the rough–and–tumble nightclubs, the backstage gag–writing sessions, the drugs, the hookers, the lousy day jobs – and the red–carpet star treatment. As he traces his route from a poor childhood on Long Island to his enshrinement as a comedy legend, he takes readers on a roller–coaster ride through a life that has been alternately touching, sordid, funny, raunchy, and uplifting – equal parts "Little Orphan Annie" and "Caligula." And unlike most celebrity autobiographers, he seems to have no qualms about delivering the unfiltered whole story, warts and all. Dangerfield's personal story is also a rollicking show business tale, full of marquee name–droppings (Adam Sandler, Sam Kinison, Jim Carrey, Johnny Carson, Jerry Seinfeld) and good stories about same. Defying the old saws about the fleeting nature of fame and the dearth of second acts in American life, Dangerfield transformed himself from a debt–ridden aluminium–siding salesman named Jack Roy to a multimedia superstar – and stayed an icon for decades. His catchphrase – "I get no respect" – has entered the lexicon, and he remains a visible cultural presence and perennial talk–show guest. Dangerfield's hilarious and inspiring musings should thrill comedy fans and pop–culture watchers, and his second–act comeback will strike a chord with readers of all stripes. Maybe he'll even get some respect.

Author : Croft M. Pentz
Publisher : Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Page : 386 pages
File Size : 40,5 Mb
Release : 1990
Category : Humor
ISBN : 0842304673

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The Complete Book of Zingers by Croft M. Pentz Pdf

You could call them one-sentence sermons or one-sentence solutions. Use them to spice up your speeches, sermons, church bulletins--anywhere a quick word of wit or wisdom is needed.

Author : Joe Kerz
Publisher : Simon and Schuster
Page : 389 pages
File Size : 40,9 Mb
Release : 2022-04-19
Category : Humor
ISBN : 9781631586651

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The Big Book of Dad Jokes by Joe Kerz Pdf

Hundreds and Hundreds of Jokes that Will Drive Your Family Crazy Nothing is more hilarious for moms, sons, and daughters than the bad jokes dads tell. (Well, at least he thinks they're hilarious . . .) Have you ever noticed when you’re out to dinner and your dad takes it upon himself to antagonize your server with a lame joke? Has he ever made a pun that made everyone at a family gathering roll their eyes? Has he ever made a corny comment about things simply lying around the house? If you answered “yes” to any of the following, you’re not alone. Dad jokes are at the center of all dad interactions and the core of every dad’s persona. This comedic compendium compiles more than eight hundred of the best jokes dads can use to hone their craft and ensure maximum eye rolling. Included within are jokes such as: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food; no atmosphere. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality. With Dad Jokes, give your dad the gift of becoming the least funny/most "punny" guy in the room.